Restricted

I’ve always considered myself an overeater. A binger. Food addict. Pig. Someone with no control over what I ate and destined to spend a life battling an obsession with body image and food. I have sought resources for eating disorder recovery for a decade. And as time went on, my seeking became more desperate and…

What did you say?!

Some people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth – so I’ve heard. Me? I was born with a chubby foot in my mouth. And it seems I’m a slow learner. The reason I journal and blog, and became increasingly shy, quiet and retiring over the decades, is I really suck at the…

In My Own Time

My recovery is not going at the speed some people would like. I’m too slow. Not making enough progress. I’m not doing enough work or making changes quickly enough. Apparently. It is absolutely true that many people who commence recovery – from anything – progress at a faster rate. They make changes and those changes…

Sidling Along

When I’m not going forward in recovery, I’m perfectly happy to accept sideways. Because moving sideways is not going backwards. I have recently spent the most glorious three days in a lovely little holiday house – big hikes through the bush, lots of champagne and chocolate, late nights lying in front of a roaring fire…

One Perfect Day

Well ladies and gentlemen – and those who do not confidently or comfortably fit into traditional categories – my thanks and gratitude for your ongoing patience with my intermittent pity parties. They’re boring and dull to read I have no doubt. But from my end of the equation, they are magically cathartic. The past few…

It’s a roller coaster…

So I’ve gone backwards. Slipping and sliding and rolling around. Bingeing and purging every day again. Feeling shit and stupid. I know it’s my responsibility – my choice. I can turn this back around any time I want to. Why don’t I want to? Everything we do in life, we do because it’s the thing…

Just hanging in

I feel like I’m barely holding on at the moment. Clinging on with my fingernails to whatever I can. I am exhausted. Mentally. Physically. Spiritually. Nothing left to give. And yet ironically, not sleeping. Isn’t that always the way? I swear if I could get some sleep, I’d have a slightly firmer grip on reality….

What do I need?

Since I fell apart last year, people keep asking, Are you okay? How can I help? If you need anything, just ask! They are genuine offers but I never know how to respond so just say I’m fine and don’t need anything. Not because I’m a martyr but because I genuinely have no idea. When I’m socialising…

The Never Ending Story

As soon as I make a little bit of progress – and find a few moments of hope and belief – I seem determined to crash and burn, just to prove to myself recovery is either impossible, or impossibly difficult. What happened? Who gives a shit – same old, same old. But if there’s one…

Why do I do it?

I am coming to the end of an eight week online course for recovery from binge eating and/or bulimia. I am about to commence an eight week online course for transformational writing and author awakening. Both cost money. Neither will return any money to me. So their intrinsic value is about personal growth, not financial…

Yes!!

Day 30 of the challenge. I made it! In case you missed it, my challenge was to write for 30 days about my vision for freedom and the reason why I want to recover from an eating disorder. I’ve been a tad higgledy piggledy, but I got here. While I confess not every moment of every…

Eat

I have to eat food. I have to eat food – six times a day. SIX TIMES A DAY!! Fuck… Well to be honest – I don’t HAVE to – it is a choice I’m prepared to make. I am generally very obedient (see grandma!! I really am!!), so if say I’ll do something, I…