Downs & Ups

Some days I’m up. Some days I’m down. I had a down day today. I have a lot of pain at the moment – I may even have to start admitting my pain is chronic. I’m hesitant to accept that label though – it feels like giving up. But when I’m in pain all the…

Escaping Grief

There is no escaping grief. Each and every one of us experiences loss and it is always painful – just ask a toddler throwing the king of all tantrums at the supermarket while you steadfastly refuse to buy the matchbox car he desperately must have. Grief is easily recognised when we lose someone. We expect the bereaved…

Eye Opener

Today was an eye opening day. It began as any other Saturday – a late lie-in, snuggling with my husband, watching the sunrise through our bedroom window. With porridge in front of me and a cup of tea by my side, I logged onto my laptop and checked today’s task for the 7 Day Writing…

Random Rhyme-day

Friday dawned this early morn’, It found me fresh and feisty. Despite a night of broken sleep, I woke and roused quite nicely. The day began as oft it does, My breakfast brought before me. Devoured perusing morning news, Then washed down with my chai tea. I lounged and lazed and lolled about, Then leapt and rushed to shower….

Fresh as a Daisy

Wallowing around in my little pity party yesterday was very cathartic. I feel fresh as a daisy today. Which is ironic given I had bugger all sleep last night. There never seems to be a direct correlation between the amount of sleep I receive and my energy levels the next day. Bizarrely. I credit a lot…

Yearning for Yonder Years

I hate where I’m at in life right now. I want to go back. Or forward. Anywhere but here. It is a wish guaranteed to come true, because the present moment only lasts a moment, and just yesterday I was holding my now 23 year old son as a newborn in my arms. So I guess yonder…

Melancholy Moodiness

I had a really lovely day today. For the most part, I made good decisions around food. And yet for no apparent reason, this evening I feel incredibly melancholy and moody. I’m overcome with a range of emotions I can’t even describe. To be honest, I just want to cry. Why? I have absolutely no idea….

Not in black and white

Perfectionistic thinking. It can be a bit of a curse. Apparently it can also be a really great personality trait – but I suspect one would have to utilise it in a slightly healthier way. When you’re a perfectionist, the world is black and white. I’m right or wrong, it’s easy or hard, I’m good at…

Illusions

I’m fluffy today. And floppy. I had lots of drugs… I have pain. I feel like I have chronic pain, but compared to people who actually have chronic pain, I don’t. I do however, have some back issues (facet joint hypertrophy between L3-4 and L4-5), tendinopathy in my left hamstring, and a rotation and shift in…

Eat Me!

The food in my fridge sings to me. And I mean it really sings. I suspect this is another one of those situations only people with an eating disorder genuinely understand. I’ve talked about The Voices before. Maybe you think I’m completely mad. Or schizophrenic. I’m neither of those things. I just have an eating disorder. All day…

Vanquishing the Voices

I’m trying to picture a life free from disordered eating. What would it look like? How would I feel? What would be different? The voice of doubt always wants to knock me down, but I’m working hard to vanquish that voice, and bring forth positive messages to empower recovery. In this picture, my external life would…

Invoking the Inner Child

When I was a child I was repressed. Not in an awful way – we weren’t beaten or abused or mistreated in any capacity. But when emotions can’t be expressed, they are repressed. [It wasn’t done intentionally of course – it is just an unfortunate hangover from previous generations.] A week or so back I had…