Mum, moody, messy, manic. Retired musician and aspiring writer.
From dark, sordid, private journaling, this website became my greatest recovery asset for major depression and anxiety, and the eating disorder and self harm behaviours I used to mask them.
I imploded like a smashed egg, and from within I've found a fledgling bird, ready to spread its wings and fly.
I hope within these pages, you find a moment of connection, truth, revelation and understanding. This is my story. Perhaps it's yours too.
It's a wild ride as an inpatient at a psychiatric facility. I can't honestly say I'd recommend it. But then sometimes we have to do necessary things in life that aren't necessarily enjoyable. I didn't traipse all the way here for fun. I left behind all that was comfortable and familiar, to learn uncomfortable, unfamiliar ways of managing my emotional and eating behaviours. At this stage I am far from cured.
I made it to the clinic and apparently I'm settling in. Well - lots of people ask me every day how I'm settling in. What do you say to that? I'm here and I'm following the rules. I'd rather be at home cleaning my toilets but I'm not. So here we are.
In 12 hours, I'm heading off to the clinic. I think I know what to expect, but I also know I have no idea. Does that sound confusing? Of course it does. Life is confusing. Whatever preconceptions and expectations I've managed to construct for myself over the past few weeks, tomorrow will be the day where it all comes to pass and reality sets in.
I am a master procrastinator. Yes. It's true. When I want to do something, or necessity dictates I have to get off my butt right now, I'm an amazing gogetter. But when I'm feeling a bit blergh about something, or don't really want to do it, I can out-procrastinate the world champion procrastinators. In fact I believe if there were such a competition, I'd be inclined to win.
I've been away (again) for four nights - in a beautiful shack by the sea for a couple of nights with a friend, then a couple of nights with my husband (not friend and husband at the same time - just to be very clear for anyone wondering). It's time to go home today, but I was thinking how very calm and peaceful I feel while I'm here - for myriad reasons - and it occurred to me - I'm very much a nature gal