Mum, moody, messy, manic. Retired musician and aspiring writer.
From dark, sordid, private journaling, this website became my greatest recovery asset for major depression and anxiety, and the eating disorder and self harm behaviours I used to mask them.
I imploded like a smashed egg, and from within I've found a fledgling bird, ready to spread its wings and fly.
I hope within these pages, you find a moment of connection, truth, revelation and understanding. This is my story. Perhaps it's yours too.
Meditation and mindfulness are the buzzwords of the decade. The practice of taking time out to check in with mind, body and spirit - to let go of the past and future for a few moments - is no longer limited to Buddhist monks, or yogis in search of spiritual nirvana. It's mainstream practice, taught to children in schools and discussed in workplaces, gyms, therapy, and the media.
People with eating disorders often talk about the eating disorder voice that natters away, telling us what to do. Or not. Undermining recovery. Making us doubt ourselves. But I wonder what that means to someone without an eating disorder voice? Or even what it means to other eating disordered people - I doubt we're all the same.
For me - I feel good about 2019. I choose to believe the worst of my grief and issues are behind me and my journey forward is now much closer to everyone else - ie I'm sure I won't get everything right but I'll try not to make a royal fuck up every time a little snag comes my way. I'm calling resolutions 'goals' this year.