I have consulted the technology fairies and the pixie dust has been waived, the credit card swiped, and I'm back in the land of the cyber living. Phew! I'm also in the land of man flu so nothing of any significance will be gracing my page for a day or two, but I just wanted to say don't give up on me. There are good things to come this year. Really good things. I can feel it in my waters!
For me - I feel good about 2019. I choose to believe the worst of my grief and issues are behind me and my journey forward is now much closer to everyone else - ie I'm sure I won't get everything right but I'll try not to make a royal fuck up every time a little snag comes my way. I'm calling resolutions 'goals' this year.
There are lots of reasons women - and men - might experience anorgasmia. I'm only going to talk about one - because it's the one that affects me. Medication. Specifically, SNRI anti-depressant medication. All medication has an effect - that's why we prefer prescriptions to placebos. Side effects are unwanted consequences of medication and when we treat conditions pharmacologically, we weigh the pros and cons of our options. I've been on my current anti-depressant two years. At the lowest dose I struggled with orgasm, and at my current dose it is an impossibility.
It's easy to know when your body needs food - physical cues are given out. We all know what they are (even when some of use choose to ignore those cues), and we know drinking a glass of water doesn't make them go away. So feeding physical hunger is easy. And yet I do not stand alone when it comes to yearning for food regardless of physical hunger.
Today I did some dream writing. It was a technique I learned through Joanne when I did her Seven Day Challenge. I was super teary and tired when I started the day today. It's been a bit of a rough road but you know - that's life. These things happen. It'll be fine. I knew I needed to do some writing and couldn't think of what I needed to write. So I thought I would do some dream writing - I want to mix and match a lot of writing over the period of this January challenge (have I mentioned the January challenge is to write a thousand words every single day? Which doesn't daunt me in the least. But I don't want to write the same thousand words in the same boring place every day.) So today I thought - dream writing. And I did. Dream writing involves setting a timer for a set period of time (just 15 minutes today), starting with a "prompt", and then letting your hand flow across the page for the entire time without stopping or resting or going back at all - just an unbroken stream of thoughts. I wrote the prompt "In the clinic I hope to…" and then my hand flew across the page for fifteen minutes with the following stream of consciousness.