It seems like I'm always someone else - or pieces of other people put together. Somehow it's always easier to be someone else.
It's Christmas Eve. All the food preparation is done. The leaves swept up outside. The tree is decorated, santa hats unpacked and cheesy tunes uploaded to my playlist.
A friend of mine has encouraged me to share my private journals of inpatient. I hope it's not triggering for anyone. It's deeply personal. And I've made every effort to remove identifying information of the clinic, staff and patients. It's a long read! But this is what life is like.
My fatigue is back. It went away for a while. I didn't miss it. Good riddance, I thought. Then it came back. For fuck's sake, I thought... Now I can barely struggle out of bed to go to the bathroom. I still have to do all the things everyone else does - get dressed, go to work, [...]
I have Restless Legs Syndrome. I rarely talk about it. It sounds like a benign and trivial condition everyone experiences at some stage. To some extent that is true, but my restless legs are severe and chronic. And normally extremely well managed. Like most problems, there are people who have it much worse. While I have a lot of associated nerve pain, if I take regular medication it’s fine. I rarely notice it and when I do it’s not too bad. In that aspect of my life, I found a little pocket of normality.