Week Five

Day 29 Today I’m very sad. I guess it was inevitable. After 25 years of marriage I don’t normally blink an eye when spending time apart from my significant other – but this is different. We’ve been apart a month and will now be apart another 2-4 weeks. Which in the big scheme of things […]

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The Land of Oz

One of our tasks in group therapy today was to “create three characters to live in your own ‘Land of Oz’. Give them each something to search for that YOU are searching for through your eating disorder (NOT related to weight). Give reasons why the Mighty Wizard would say that you already have what you […]

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Week four

DAY 22 Today I am afraid of recovery. I’ve been in this place before – where I’ve felt the beginnings of change and then become overwhelmed with the fear of that change and what it might herald. so I rush back to the safe and familiar.  I ate all my meals today but struggled (mentally) a […]

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Word therapy

As I may have mentioned once or thrice, I suck at art. And the thought of doing art therapy leaves me feeling cold and slightly nauseated. However, it is also true the art therapist is not only a lovely person, but also a very good therapist. Plus she’s nice to me – and by that […]

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Week Three

Day 15 I feel as though I need to start writing about all the amazing progress I’m making and how awesome I feel and how I’ve turned a corner and the future is looking rosy. But it would all be a big fat lie. Nobody wants to hear about how miserable I feel and the […]

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Resilience

I have blogged about resilience before – and how I feel I have none whatsoever. But yesterday I was challenged to rethink this. To consider whether my presumption of non-resilience is in fact true. noun 1. the power or ability to return to the original form, position, etc., after being bent, compressed, or stretched; elasticity. 2. ability […]

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Art Therapy

I have to do art therapy while I’m incarcerated as an inpatient. I can’t begin to put into words how much I dreaded this concept. I even told the very lovely therapist how I feel about art therapy. She was very understanding – and surprised. Because no matter how I feel about the activity, I […]

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Week Two

Day Eight Same old, same old. Neither better nor worse. I feel my depression has sunk pretty low and I spent a lot of today mapping out “exit” strategies. But I also communicated this with the registrar and have requested to have my dose of pristiq increased. She’s also modified my leave to “escorted” which […]

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Week One

A friend of mine has encouraged me to share my private journals of inpatient. I hope it’s not triggering for anyone. It’s deeply personal. And I’ve made every effort to remove identifying information of the clinic, staff and patients. It’s a long read! But this is what life is like. PRE-ADMISSION Today is Thursday. In […]

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Incarceration

How small a world becomes when locked away, Be that lock constructed of our own fruition. Sometimes life overwhelms. Sometimes the pain is unbearable. Sometimes we are misunderstood – no more so than by ourselves. The locks come out.   A room. A window. A desk. A bunny.   Rules for food. Rules for clothes. […]

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Day 12

It’s a wild ride as an inpatient at a psychiatric facility. I can’t honestly say I’d recommend it. But then sometimes we have to do necessary things in life that aren’t necessarily enjoyable. I didn’t traipse all the way here for fun. I left behind all that was comfortable and familiar, to learn uncomfortable, unfamiliar […]

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Day Three

I made it to the clinic and apparently I’m settling in. Well – lots of people ask me every day how I’m settling in. What do you say to that? I’m here and I’m following the rules. I’d rather be at home cleaning my toilets but I’m not. So here we are. My world has […]

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