Reframing Relapse

As I mentioned in my previous post, I’ve slipped into a period of relapse. I can sit and analyse the how and why until the cows home, but it doesn’t make any difference to the result. That’s the problem with mental health issues – it’s essential to look back and understand how we got here,…

Now I lay me down to sleep…

This little girl is on the wall next to my bed. My Nanna made it when I was little. I love it. For years it was tucked away in the back of a cupboard, the copper dark and green, the gloss disappearing from the embossed nightgown. A couple of years ago it magically appeared in…

Letting Go & Giving Up

What’s the difference? One and the same? The end result is the same. I’ve been visiting a physio for some time now – to try and nut out the origins of the pain in my back. I started seeing her after I’d seen an osteopath. I started seeing the osteopath after the chiropractor. I started…

And the black dog slept

The days were cold, And the skies were grey. The bare branches swaying in the swift brisk wind. Still, the black dog slept. The mirror reflects, The passing of days. And a breast yearning more, for babes long grown. And still, the black dog slept. One bright blue morn, As the sun rose high. No…

In truth…

I feel conflicted. I consider myself very honest. I fibbed a lot as a child – and I’ve read children who lie are often very intelligent. So I’ll accept that for now! However, there came a time (at least 20 years ago) when I decided it just wasn’t worth the hassle, the energy and the guilt,…

I’m a peculiar little person

A friend asked today, How are you? Now this friend is not someone I bother saying, I’m fine to, because she knows better than to listen to that bullshit. Our journeys have crossed paths on more than one occasion and she gets it. But I didn’t really know what to say, because I kind of AM fine. But…

A step forward

I’ve been farting around in recovery land for years now – and I’m still lost. I know I’ve made progress – and this is a jolly good thing – but change is minimal when it comes to the movement of fork to lips. My progress is more in emotional regulation than eating behaviours. Why? What…

That fine line between bravery & stupidity

I keep receiving lovely messages of support for my blog posts – thank you 🙂 I am very touched by every message, and moreso with the knowledge my innermost waffle is read and appreciated by others. It really is very comforting. I also keep receiving lovely messages saying how brave I am for sharing so…

Failure

There is a magnificent quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson titled, Success. I found it many moons ago, had it printed and laminated, then stuck on the toilet wall for my children to read and absorb. Now the mirror to success is failure. And it is so easy to fear failure. What is failure? To wallow…

I hold you, in the palm of my hands

You held me, in the palm of your hands, When I was young, red-faced and new. You held my hand, as up I grew, Then held me in your heart. From you I learned a love of words, Of all things wild and all things free. To nurture all the gifts we have, Upon this…

Banded

In April 2012 I was 46 years old. I’d battled weight my entire life and I was tired. All the weight I’d previously lost was back on – again. All the tricks I’d used before were failing. I tried eating less, exercising more, eating more, exercising less. Shakes and weird shit and anything I could…

Moments in Time

Another thought provoking question in my writing course… What are the five defining moments of your life? How did each one take you to the next step of your journey? Our lives are defined by way more than five moments… But let me see if I can hone it down. I was born So were…