I made it to the clinic and apparently I’m settling in. Well – lots of people ask me every day how I’m settling in. What do you say to that? I’m here and I’m following the rules. I’d rather be at home cleaning my toilets but I’m not. So here we are. My world has […]Read More Day Three
I’m consumed with sadness today. I know it’s the stupid drug, but fuck it’s annoying. On the upside, the psychiatrist rang and said to wean myself off and I’m being admitted into the inpatient eating disorder unit instead. It’s a strange world where that seems like a good thing – right? This drug has really […]Read More Melancholy
I used to be gung ho about making New Years’ resolutions – now I know better. I am old and wise. But that is not to say this is not a good time to reflect on the year that has been and put behind me those moments I never wish to see again. We all […]Read More Welcome to the New Year
Cheerful little topic huh?! But something I believe needs to be discussed in the wider community from time to time. So here I am – casting my two cents worth out into the world for all to ponder upon. Before I say more, a small disclaimer. I’m not a counselor or medical professional. I’m merely […]Read More Suicidality
I’m feeling a little sore, sad and sorry for myself. Sore, because I fell off a fit ball a few weeks back and undid all the good work from my previous cortisone injection into the facet joints of my lower vertebrae – so today I had a repeat injection. Fingers crossed it works just as […]Read More Sad Sack of Sorry
1: a state of tranquility or quiet 2: freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions 3: harmony in personal relations 4: in a state of concord or tranquility Is that how peace feels for you? It sounds pretty good huh?! It is something I’ve rarely experienced for some time. I’ve been afraid to feel […]Read More Peace
I ran out of medication last week. Turns out this was a bit of an oversight on my behalf, and not the most fun way to spend my week. I don’t mean I ran out of vitamin tablets either (although I ran out of them too), but rather I had to trudge through the week […]Read More Whoops!
Wanna know what my anxiety looks like? I had an unpleasant moment at work today, then later realised I’d spent the entire day on edge as a result of that one moment. For the whole day I was slightly teary, heart pounding, wanting to punish or numb myself, and counting the minutes until I could […]Read More I wanna be this dog
I must be do something right. I’m feeling very uncomfortable. And I’ve been reassured again and again, that change is uncomfortable, so I guess this is change. Whether it’s short or long term change, is yet to be determined. In the meantime – I’m feeling very uncomfortable. I haven’t been writing about my eating disorder […]Read More Discomfort
I’ve started a course in Acceptance & Commitment Therapy, and while I’m very early in the process (half way through week one 😀 ) I have already found a lovely little snippet that really resonated with me. And I mean REALLY resonated! I’m not broken. I’m stuck. How simple is that?! After completely falling apart, […]Read More Not broken. Stuck
Lost my mojo. I’m playing Candy Crush all the time. This is a bad sign. It means I’m numbing myself in a slightly less destructive manner than my other numbing habits. I actually feel fine – not down and dreary or any of those sad things. I’m just trying to figure out, what next? I’ve […]Read More Where to now?
I was so moved by Sinéad O’Connor’s heartfelt cry for help a few weeks ago. And very glad to hear she’s doing better. I listened to Russell Brand’s response and as always, was really touched by how much wisdom and empathy he demonstrates for mental health issues. One comment in particular was very illuminating, Really […]Read More Illusions & Illuminations