What do I need?

Since I fell apart last year, people keep asking, Are you okay? How can I help? If you need anything, just ask! They are genuine offers but I never know how to respond so just say I’m fine and don’t need anything. Not because I’m a martyr but because I genuinely have no idea. When I’m socialising…

Myself

Self-care. It’s the buzzword of the 21st century. I guess because a lot of us suck at it… There are over 242 words with the prefix “self”, and I am very good at quite a few of them: self-awareness, self-control, selflessness, as well as self-loathing, self-pity and self-harm. But there are a few key words I…

Dear Depression…

… I thought you’d gone away. I thought we had a little chat and I told you we can’t be friends any more. Why did you come back? And when are you going to leave? While you were gone, I had the energy to get out of bed and do stuff. You know? Like wash my…

The metaphorical fence

I feel like I’m perched on a metaphorical fence – staring down at recovery, staring down at illness, and trying to decide – which way do I go? While perched on the fence, I can dangle my feet on both sides, but in order to progress one way or the other – for better or…

Security Blankets

My recovery from depression and anxiety seems to be moving in a positive direction. Yay me! Smiley face 🙂 While I am still – for now – taking medication to assist me, I am hopeful that over the course of the next year I’ll wean myself off and get back to my “normal” – whatever that…

Success

I have spent so much of my life feeling like a failure. Musician: failed Housewife: failed Finances: failed Resilience: failed Beauty: failed Weight: failed Recovery: failed Life: failed So many more. So many daily micro fails when I make a mistake, get a speeding ticket, can’t do a chin up, have a messy house, don’t cook dinner,…

My anxiety feels like…

… a thumping heart … a tight chest … short, quick breaths … a knot in my stomach … a swollen throat … heavy eyes … warm feet … a tingle in my ears … a pressure in my forehead … a fuzzy head … a tremble in my hands … and jelly in my legs I…

Curiosity caught the kids

Becoming a mother was the most beautiful and perfect day of my life – all three times. Motherhood is my calling and I cannot imagine my life any other way. My greatest joys have come from my children.

And my greatest worries.

Please Like Me

I can’t know for sure how anxiety manifests for other people – and to be honest, it’s only in recent months I acknowledged I have my own manifestations – but apparently, I have anxiety. With a capital A. As I’m currently feeling extremely anxious, now is a good time to put thoughts and observations down on “paper” …

07 January

Personal Prompt: Write a letter to your illness or condition. Ahh… Which one?! Pick a condition… Pick a condition… Dear Anxiety, Piss off. While in many ways I consider you the least of my concerns, in many ways, you are the cause of all my problems. If someone had said a few years ago I…