Shame, Shame, Shame

Apparently I’m a shame magnet. Not sure if I struggle with shame because I’m super sensitive to humiliation, or if I’m super sensitive to humiliation because I struggle with shame. I am quite sure that absolutely nobody is comfortable with public humiliation. Are they? Anyone comfortable with humiliation must have a problem – in my… Read More

It’s Raining & Pouring & My Husband is Snoring

I haven’t been writing. I need to write. I don’t know what to write any more. I am incredibly lost and directionless. Without writing I can’t clarify my thoughts and find direction. I’m currently surrounded by people in distress. There are people in my world with significant worries. Beautiful people who were there for me when… Read More

The Lure of the Dark Side

If the universe was reasonable, it would allow me to “fully recover” before throwing curve balls in my direction. Unfortunately the universe isn’t reasonable. I have made progress. I really, really believe this. But I am far from recovered. And the moment the balls are curving towards me, there is an overwhelming desire to return… Read More

A Happy Memory [or a few…]

As I feel myself sliding, down, down, down again, I want to make a really concerted effort to focus on ups – not downs. I went for a walk after gym this evening, and for the first 20 minutes I found myself falling into heavy, dark, unproductive thoughts. Then I remembered I’m supposed to be retraining my brain to think of a positive future. So I tried remembering happy times in my life – peaceful, simple times, with family and friends. Read More

Downs & Ups

I have a lot of pain at the moment – I may even have to start admitting my pain is chronic. I’m hesitant to accept that label though – it feels like giving up. But when I’m in pain all the time, I feel tired all the time. And when I’m tired all the time, I have declines with mental health stuff. And of course if you know the first thing about me, you’ll know most of my mental health stuff revolves around eating issues. Read More