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Mum, moody, messy, manic. Retired musician and aspiring writer. From dark, sordid, private journaling, this website became my greatest recovery asset for major depression and anxiety, and the eating disorder and self harm behaviours I used to mask them. I imploded like a smashed egg, and from within I've found a fledgling bird, ready to spread its wings and fly. I hope within these pages, you find a moment of connection, truth, revelation and understanding. This is my story. Perhaps it's yours too.
Simone Lisa: Telling Tales

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21Nov

It’s Time

If you'd told me three years ago that my poor, long suffering psychologist would still be listening to my woes at the end of 2018, I would have said, No way! (Possibly in much stronger language.) But here we are, 42 months later, and I still grace her couch on a regular basis. And not just for the lols.
11Nov

The Girl I Used to Be

Decades of maladaptive coping mechanisms crashed down around my ears, and the words severe depression and chronic anxiety were bandied about - in relation to me. I was in the depths of self-induced starvation, self-harming, highly suicidal, too depressed to function, and suffering the physical misery of high anxiety – pounding heart, shaking hands, internal catastrophising, panic attacks. I’d become one of “those people”.
04Nov

Virtual Insanity

Yet apparently acknowledging the problem is the first step to fixing it. Faced with stressors that are stressful, yet neither unusual nor extreme, I somehow
01Nov

Hypervigilance

Hypervigilance - it's been around forever, of that I have no doubt. But it's not a word I ever heard mentioned in all my many years of formal education. For a more thorough definition, have a look here, but whether or not it's something you personally have experience with, doesn't negate the fact there are a lot of people out there standing on guard, waiting for the next blow to fall. I'm one of those persons. It's a bit unfun. For me personally, it's not related to PTSD - I haven't been subjected to military combat or sexual assault, and for that I'm very grateful. But for one reason or another my nature and nurture cooked up a little concoction that makes me hypervigilant - all the time. What does that mean? It means I'm always on guard.
19Oct

Down Down Down… Then Up We Go

It's 35 days since I touched down on terra firma. Jet lag's done and dusted, the big adventure receding into once upon a time status, and I'm settled back into normality - taking for granted the luxuries of my pillow, my car, and our pristine drinking water. Yet for most of those 35 days, my mental health has been really shit.