My story of depression, anxiety, disordered eating, self-harm and suicidal ideation.The reason I'm here at all - mental health advocacy. It's easy to have an opinion on something you've never experienced. You can sympathetically imagine what it's like to experience childbirth, obesity, cancer, racial prejudice - but only lived experience truly gives you a window [...]
"Religion is sitting in church thinking about sitting in a kayak. Spirituality is sitting in a kayak thinking about God." [Author unknown]This is an area of my life that is hugely lacking. And I don't know how to fill the lack. I'm not religious per se. And as the above quote articulates so beautifully, the two [...]
Just like you, I have a voice of wisdom, reason, logic, common sense, knowing, intuition, God - whatever resonates with your personal belief system - but for the vast majority of my life, there is another frequency butting in and drowning out the word I want (and need) to hear. Sometimes the noise of the unwanted station drowns the other out completely - I know it's there, but it can't be heard. Sometimes the station appears clear as crystal. Then it goes again.
When the burden of being a burden becomes so burdensome the burden can no longer be bourne, it's crunch time. Disappear into Wonderland with the big white rabbit, going permanently mad? Or just go - permanently? Or do what needs to be done and reach out? Clearly the latter is the healthier option.
I live in a state of being permanently temporary. I guess we all do to some extent... But since ceasing paid employment at the end of 2017, my routine has been - to put it mildly - flexible. I like it this way. It's very bad for me.