The third in a series of artworks by guest blogger Kiki, graphically depicting her lived experiences with Borderline Personality Disorder.

To live or not to live

This picture is actually a replica of a Banksy. I decided to draw this in my current mental state because of the implications my mental health have for me on a daily basis.

I am a victim. I am a survivor.

I have wanted death I have cried for it I have sought the final oblivion of death for as long as I am able to remember. Yet, I am here, I am alive and I can not help but wonder why? Why did the rope not strangle me, or the pills stop my heart? Why when the trigger was pulled, the gun did not spark? Why, when my blood was flowing, did my pulse still beat? Why when the voices yelled death and murder was I not defeated?

Why do I struggle to accept I am to be alive?