Peace

1: a state of tranquility or quiet
2: freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions
3: harmony in personal relations
4: in a state of concord or tranquility

Is that how peace feels for you? It sounds pretty good huh?!

It is something I’ve rarely experienced for some time. I’ve been afraid to feel peaceful, for fear the next hammer blow will fall. When you live in constant fear of things going wrong, you don’t feel any peace. But today – today I did feel peaceful. Climbing a beautiful cape and looking at the stunning views and hanging with a good friend and eating good food and just generally enjoying life. Which is rare – but awesome as well. Rare, not because there isn’t a lot to enjoy in my life – there most certainly is – but because in recent years it’s been too hard to relax enough to let peace flood in.

It’s a tricky thing, peace. In order to have a sense of peace you have to be in a good head space. In order to have a good head space, you have to have a sense of peace. Catch 22.  But with time – time heals all wounds. Apparently. I read that somewhere.

While I have had some stressful days recently – a whole stressful week in fact – I feel like I bounce back a lot quicker than I did in previous months – years. Stress is normal. Shit is normal. Dealing with normal stressful shit is not my strength – it is indeed my nemesis and has been my downfall. But I’m learning. See – old dogs can learn new tricks. Woof 🙂

I have to confess I am enjoying this peace business. It’s pretty good. I know it isn’t something  to expect to feel day in and day out – I’m not completely silly. But knowing there are moments of peace that may be attainable in the days to come is a little peace-inspiring in and of itself.

Having a peaceful spirit is terribly healing. The turmoil subsides, perspective is gained, hope is possible. As a teacher I know success breeds success, but I also believe hope breeds and hope, and peace breeds peace. The more we  experience positives in life, the more positive life becomes. It is often all too easy to see the things that go wrong, with their neon flashing signs saying, Look at me! Look at me! Whereas quiet peaceful times just gently fade in and never shout out at all.

I also wonder if finding peace is a lot about doing things you love. I love being in the bush. I love being by the sea. I love hiking, and nature, and being with friends. I love cheese and gin and daylight savings. And I love that I love all these things.

I also know tomorrow I’ll return to my real life where my house has no skirting boards and the cat tears all his fur out. The dishes will need doing and I won’t bother cooking. It’s okay though, because I’m grateful I have a house and a cat. I have dishes and I choose not to cook – these trivialities do not shatter my peace. It is fear that shatters my peace. Fear – anxiety – whatever you wish to call it. Fear that bad things will happen. Anxiety I’m not good enough and I’m going to make a million mistakes and everyone will know and deem me inadequate. Fear and anxiety and inadequacy are incompatible with peace.

What I am incredibly grateful for, is the reprieve. It is cathartic and offers hope. And with hope, all things are possible.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s