I’m always intrigued at how people find recovery – from anything. What is the tipping point for someone to make lasting change? For them to really dig in and do the hard yards and to stop just thinking about it.
I’d share my own wisdom on this topic with all of you, however I don’t have any.
I hate the term rock bottom. It’s a stupid concept and almost meaningless anyway. It’s only with hindsight you can look back and go, Oh! That was the moment I changed my life. That was the decision that led to a better path. I’ve had loads of pretty devastating moments where I thought I just couldn’t possibly do this a minute longer – it couldn’t get any worse and here’s my rock bottom! Yet here I am – same shit, different day.
Some people die before they get to a rock bottom. Does that mean life didn’t get hard enough for them? Unpleasant enough? Rock bottom enough? I don’t think so. I know I’ve had enough downs and I am so fed up with myself, that waiting for rock bottom is pointless. I’m already there.
Instead what I’ve read in a few places lately, is those who finally do practice (not just preach) recovery, have a reason to live. They have something to recover FOR. This is very similar to the, Picture My Future, concept. What does freedom from disordered eating look like? What could the future hold? These seem far more pertinent questions, than wondering if I’m suffering enough yet.
Sometimes you stumble across people in life – or cyber life – and think, wow. They’ve got their shit together! As I stumble across recovered women, I really want to know how they got there. Not just WHAT they did – I’m getting to the point where I’m confident I know WHAT to do! It’s about finding out WHY they did it. Because I think that’s my big stumbling block.
The decision was not to “get well” – the decision was to live my life, and that is essentially a decision to act. Every day, you get up, you take care of your body, you feed and water yourself, you nourish mind and spirit… So the issue really isn’t food or size etc – it’s how do you want to live. Are you going to scrape the bottom of the barrel of living, and just survive? Or do you want to live fully and thrive? The former has its comforts, I know. But the latter is inspired, rich, weird, scary, and honestly, probably divine. – MH
What beautiful words! The decision is to live. So simple
How am I able to do this now? Simple. I am no longer controlling my weight. My whole entire life I was never willing to let go of wanting the perfect body. I was never willing to let go of controlling my weight. So I could never do this work… I heard another voice inside me – a very gentle voice – and I listened to it. I let go. I simply let go. As I move away from my ED and more firmly into recovery, I am finding myself building a solid relationship with me. Simply because I’m doing this. Simply because I’m showing up for me. Simply because I’m finally doing what I wanted to do for so long. Break free. – AY
I find these words so inspirational. Am I in the same place? Not at all. I haven’t let go of controlling my weight and I’ve known for sometime that is a problem. Perhaps the biggest of all. But coupled with no real sense of caring about the future, I think I know where my work now lies.
I don’t need to keep scratching around at the rock bottom of this dirty barrel. I’m already here. There are no more levels to plummet down. What I need now, is to look up and picture what’s beyond the rocks. What will my tipping point be? I don’t know yet. As soon as I do, I’ll be sure to let you know!