Well ladies and gentlemen – and those who do not confidently or comfortably fit into traditional categories – my thanks and gratitude for your ongoing patience with my intermittent pity parties. They’re boring and dull to read I have no doubt. But from my end of the equation, they are magically cathartic.
The past few days weren’t fabulous. I had (have) a fair whack of emotion happening for one reason or another at the moment – anniversary of my sister’s death yesterday, coming down from the business of organising the funeral, physical exhaustion, worrying about my dad’s health, and a myriad little normal troubles that all seemed to have glowing neon lights hovering over them for a little while.
The very act of writing about everything, helps me so much. As I am an expert at running and hiding from emotions, I need to actually put my thoughts onto (digital) paper in order to make any sense of how I’m feeling. And so I journal and blog. And it really helps. It helps enough that when I slump into a slip, I know how to pick myself back up and to do so relatively quickly. Now of course I’d love to be in a position where I neither slump nor slip – wouldn’t we all?! And I am cautiously optimistic that perhaps one day a slump will not result in a slip. But for now, this is exceptional progress from where I was this time a year ago.
Today, I had a good day. Not just a good day, but a day where I followed my food plan to a tee. One perfect day. It wasn’t perfect in every aspect of my life but that’s okay. I’m not really aiming for perfection – I don’t want to set myself up to fail, and aiming for perfection means failing every time. My food plan though – I really wanted to stick to it. Just for a day. And I did it. The food I had planned was eaten at the time I had intended – no more, no less, and kept down. Just – one – day. That’s all I needed. That’s all I have.
Today I got it right. And I feel good about that. I make no promises about tomorrow. I have hope though.
So one perfect (recovery) day may turn into two perfect (recovery) days. But if it doesn’t, this day will remind me in the future that I can do it. One day at a time.