Mia, mia, mia

I need to binge. I want to binge. I’m going to binge … says Mia …

Why? … whispers Reason …

Why? We do this every day. It’s just the way we are … says Mia …

It’s a bad idea … whispers Reason …

Bad idea? Fuck off. Just shut up and do it. Get it over and done with … says Mia …

It doesn’t have to be like this ... cries Reason …

It does have to be like this. It’s going to be like this. It will always be like this. I’m not going to change … says Mia …

But I can’t keep doing this … cries Reason …

Stiff shit … says Mia …

I’m tired. I don’t want to live like this. I want change … whispers Reason …

You want change? If you wanted to change you would have changed. If you had the courage to change, you would have changed. If you had the strength to change you would have changed. Nothing is ever going to change. You are not stronger than me … says Mia …

I’m trying to learn strategies. I’m trying to recover. I want to recover. Please – I want to recover. We’re investing time and money and energy. We can do this … whispers Reason …

You will never recover. You’ve been doing this forever. Recovery will be painful – you don’t know how painful it will be. I’ve been protecting you all your life – from painful emotions. From being out of control. From every doubt you’ve ever had. I’m protecting you from getting fat. With me you are safe … says Mia …

It’s an awful way to live … sighs Reason …

It could be much worse. We can think about it tomorrow maybe? … says Mia …

Okay. Thanks for listening … sighs Reason …

You’re just not cut out for recovery … says Mia ….

You’re right … sighs Reason …

I always am … triumphs Mia …

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