22 January

Personal Prompt: Make a list of the negative thoughts you’ve had today, then come up with some positive thoughts to counter them.

It’s Sunday. So most of my negative thoughts will be around food.

On Sundays I could up a big dinner for all my lovely boys. There’s always eight of us – the four boys, two girlfriends, my husband and myself. I have to cook food that has no onion, garlic, chili, nuts, red meat, dairy, gluten, watermelon, banana, pear or apple. Lucky me 😀  Part of me loves doing the big shop and the big cook up and all the planning and having all my lovely young people around me. But today I wasn’t in the mood for cooking. I’m just tired. I couldn’t be bothered. So I decided to do finger foods instead – little sandwich triangles, mini quiches, cocktail sausages, dips, cheeses, crackers, smashed potatoes, vegetable sticks. And home made blueberry ice cream in waffle cones. I have a habit of over catering…

Trouble is, I spend the whole day preparing food and playing with food and taste testing food and eating food and thinking about food. And then by the time they get here, I’m not hungry at all, but I still go ahead and pile my plate high with tons of food. Until I’m really uncomfortable. And then I want to throw it up. Today I haven’t thrown up though…

However once everyone leaves, I’m bombarded with thoughts of horror and disgust and self-loathing at all my over eating. And I feel so uncomfortable. And I feel so stupid because I do it week in and week out – so it’s not like it’s a surprise.

And as to how to counter these negative thoughts? Well I have tried to not let them overwhelm me. I didn’t throw up. I probably could have – I didn’t have to. The food wasn’t completely stuck. But I was full enough it would have come up easy. And I was trying to be “sensible”. So I don’t know if that counts as positive, but I was hoping it might almost count as “acceptance”. Not acceptance of the fact I overate and that disgusts me. But acceptance of the fact that what’s done is done, and should not be undone.

Creative Prompt: You decide to adopt a pet. What kind of animal do you adopt? Pick a name and give them a creative backstory.

I have adopted a pet. A cat. It is the only type of pet I ever want again. We’ve done fish and guinea pigs and budgies and hermit crabs. Not doing any of them again. I adore cats. I’m afraid of dogs. So we’re sticking with cats. My cat’s name is Coco. So that’ll do. He was my 40th birthday present to myself. So every time I have a birthday I know how old he is. He is a beautiful chocolate brown burmese cat. Very petite. Very loving and affectionate. Very cowardly. Very intelligent. He has an excellent internal body clock.

He was incredibly bonded to my middle son. When he was in primary school, Coco would sit out on the footpath at 2:55pm every day, waiting for him to coming walking up the street. Then at 9pm each night, he’d go and sit outside his bedroom door, waiting for him to climb into bed and would snuggle with him all night.

He also is confused about the fact that he’s a cat. Instead of crawling under the bed covers and sleeping at the foot of the bed – like cats are supposed to do… He crawls under the bed covers, turns around and comes back to lie his head on the pillow – right next to my head. Then he purrs loudly in my ear until he falls asleep. If he can’t get under the covers properly, he’ll paw gently at my hair, with his claws out just enough that I know, but not enough to hurt, until I let him under the covers.

He loves to play fight – claws out, but mostly retracted. He bites gently and never breaks through the skin. Well – almost never :DHe’s a gorgeous cat and we adore him.