21 January

Personal Prompt: What is one thing you wish others knew about you?

Confidence is a facade.

There appears to be a perception that I’m really confident. I’m not. I doubt myself with every thing I do. Every single time. I put myself on the line, into embarrassing, frightening, humiliating experiences every day of my life. I fear humiliation every time I open my mouth. I keep doing it though – because I think it’s the right thing to do. I have an over developed sense of responsibility, of putting myself second (or last), and so my level of discomfort is usually irrelevant. My expected role is to give things a go, to make conversation, to participate in life. So I do it – usually! I don’t feel confident about it. I don’t feel good about it. I just take the risk that I will be – yet again – embarrassed and humiliated by my words and actions. Being humiliated doesn’t get easier. I was routinely humiliated as a child – not deliberately, but it happened anyway. So I’m familiar with it. I hate it. But it’s not new ground.

So folks, I’m not confident. I know how to portray confidence. I don’t know how to feel it.

Creative Prompt: Create a list of creative things you’d like to accomplish this year. This can include books you want to read, crafts you want to do, etc.

I’m sick to death of creative things. And how do you define creative anyway?!

Here’s a list of things I’d like to accomplish this year – regardless of the level of creativity required.

01. Get a job
02. Read regularly – instead of candy crush
03. Walk daily
04. Finish landscaping
05. Write daily
06. Recover
07. Biography Business
08. Sleep well
09. Renovate bathroom
10. Sing

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