Treasures

For the fourth time in my life, I find myself going through the intimate possessions of a family member. It is a stark reminder I should never keep in my possession, things I do not want my nearest and dearest to find. Lucky for me, I don’t have drawers full of sex toys, illicit drugs,…

The lure of the dark side

If the universe was reasonable, it would allow me to “fully recover” before throwing curve balls in my direction. Unfortunately the universe isn’t reasonable. I have made progress. I really, really believe this. But I am far from recovered. And the moment the balls are curving towards me, there is an overwhelming desire to return…

What do I need?

Since I fell apart last year, people keep asking, Are you okay? How can I help? If you need anything, just ask! They are genuine offers but I never know how to respond so just say I’m fine and don’t need anything. Not because I’m a martyr but because I genuinely have no idea. When I’m socialising…

A century in the making

My grandmother was called Peace as a child. She was the youngest of three girls – the formidable McDougall girls. Her closest sister was born in 1914 and grandma in 1918 – war and peace. That wasn’t her real name though – her real name was June. Peace suited her. The first-born was self-assured, confident, intellectual…

Safe Travels Grandma

My grandmother passed away in her sleep overnight. I’ve been caring for her the past ten years. On Tuesday she woke up, reached out and held my hand and said, “Thank you for everything you’ve done for me.” She was 98 2/3. She wrote this poem about me when I was very young. Simone Where…

The Never Ending Story

As soon as I make a little bit of progress – and find a few moments of hope and belief – I seem determined to crash and burn, just to prove to myself recovery is either impossible, or impossibly difficult. What happened? Who gives a shit – same old, same old. But if there’s one…

Why do I do it?

I am coming to the end of an eight week online course for recovery from binge eating and/or bulimia. I am about to commence an eight week online course for transformational writing and author awakening. Both cost money. Neither will return any money to me. So their intrinsic value is about personal growth, not financial…

Yes!!

Day 30 of the challenge. I made it! In case you missed it, my challenge was to write for 30 days about my vision for freedom and the reason why I want to recover from an eating disorder. I’ve been a tad higgledy piggledy, but I got here. While I confess not every moment of every…

Recovering

I am recovering. I am not recovered… I am in recovery. This I believe. This I know. My recovery course is ending and while I would love to say I am recovered, that was never going to happen. I can’t recover from 50 years of disordered eating in the space of eight weeks. Unfortunately! Many…

Eat

I have to eat food. I have to eat food – six times a day. SIX TIMES A DAY!! Fuck… Well to be honest – I don’t HAVE to – it is a choice I’m prepared to make. I am generally very obedient (see grandma!! I really am!!), so if say I’ll do something, I…

Verses

I introduced myself to my fellow writers in the awakening authors course I’m starting soon. I introduced myself in verse 🙂 I am Simone. Which rhymes with c’mon, not Ramone. I’m a flautist, a teacher, a singer. A mother, musician and mental health advocate. I devour chai tea, decaf lattes, gin & tonics. Pumpkin soup,…

Onwards & Upwards

At the start of this 30 day challenge I was determined to write consistently about recovery and freedom – unfortunately I quickly became bored and disillusioned and haven’t been entirely consistent with that particular task. I have written every single day! But it’s not always uber cheery. And part of me certainly resents the necessity…