I created a 2018 vision board, and central to the board are two things – angel wings with Freedom written above them, and a quote I just adore. Transformation isn’t sweet and bright. It’s a dark and murky, painful pushing. An unraveling of the truths you’ve carried in your body. A practice in facing your own […]

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Step by step

Step by step I’m maintaining recovery. Little ups and downs, but I feel like I’ve turned a corner. One of those big kind of corners. In the ten days since last I posted, I’ve eaten all the meals on my menu plan. Flexibility has sometimes been an absolute necessity due to external situations. And I […]

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Transition Week

Day 52 I am home 🙂 It’s been a wild ride. My last two days at the clinic were focused on discussing healthy ways of managing my out of control anxiety issues. I had one day of leave cancelled altogether (Sunday) as I couldn’t be trusted not to harm myself. I didn’t even trust myself. […]

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Week Seven

Day 43 Forty three days down. Nine to go. I am ready – but glad to have these last nine days to consolidate what I’ve learned, set up support at home, invent a new life for myself, and gain the confidence to know it’s not only possible for me to recover – or even probable […]

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Week Six

Day 36 Hmm… What to write today? The easier things become at the clinic, and the more confidence I develop in my ability to recover – and stay recovered – the less interesting things I have to share. And it’s not because I only focus on the negative – I promise! It’s because life in […]

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Letters to me

Today’s psychology task – write two letters. One from my body to me. One from me to my body. Here goes: Dear Simone, Thank you for taking the opportunity to read this letter. I appreciate it is going to be confronting but unfortunately there are times when we need to hear a difficult truth – […]

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To my friend, with love

There is simply no pill that can replace human connection. There is no pharmacy that can fill the need for compassionate interaction with others. There is no panacea. The answer to human suffering is both within us and between us. Dr Joanne Cacciatore Today one of the invisible human connections that have sustained me over […]

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Week Five

Day 29 Today I’m very sad. I guess it was inevitable. After 25 years of marriage I don’t normally blink an eye when spending time apart from my significant other – but this is different. We’ve been apart a month and will now be apart another 2-4 weeks. Which in the big scheme of things […]

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The Land of Oz

One of our tasks in group therapy today was to “create three characters to live in your own ‘Land of Oz’. Give them each something to search for that YOU are searching for through your eating disorder (NOT related to weight). Give reasons why the Mighty Wizard would say that you already have what you […]

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Week four

DAY 22 Today I am afraid of recovery. I’ve been in this place before – where I’ve felt the beginnings of change and then become overwhelmed with the fear of that change and what it might herald. so I rush back to the safe and familiar.  I ate all my meals today but struggled (mentally) a […]

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Word therapy

As I may have mentioned once or thrice, I suck at art. And the thought of doing art therapy leaves me feeling cold and slightly nauseated. However, it is also true the art therapist is not only a lovely person, but also a very good therapist. Plus she’s nice to me – and by that […]

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Week Three

Day 15 I feel as though I need to start writing about all the amazing progress I’m making and how awesome I feel and how I’ve turned a corner and the future is looking rosy. But it would all be a big fat lie. Nobody wants to hear about how miserable I feel and the […]

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